Last Modified: 2 years ago
The Hamburger Who Wanted To Be King
This is a story about a hamburger who...well...wanted to be king.
Notes To Other Story Contributors:
Started By: Ejbloo
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Numbr Of Entries: 4
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There was once a 100% beef hamburger who wanted to be king. He contained no pork, or chicken, or any other kind of meat that wasn't beef.
He gave speeches all around the village, and the villagers loved him.
Then a dragon came into the town and said, "I am hungry! Give me any of your people that are made of hamburger!"
The people in this town were loyal though, so they didn't give the hamburger up.
"We have no people in this town who are made of hamburger," the blacksmith said.
"We don't even have any people who are made of chicken!" the other blacksmith said.
"YOU ARE LYING!" roared the Dragon. "You clearly live in a wealthy town, because you have TWO blacksmiths!
"That may be true," replied the taller of the two blacksmiths. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Wealthy towns..." the Dragon said. "...always have at least ONE person who is made of hamburger."
"It's true..." said the hamburger, who had stepped out from behind a tree. "But I'm not originally from here."
"What do you mean?" The Dragon was confused.
"I...immigrated!" the hamburger shouted.
"Nooooooooo!" said the Dragon, who flew away in agony.
"Yayyyy" shouted the townspeople, who had been saved by the hamburger's brave dragon-confrontation.
"Immigration..." said the hamburger. "It's the cool thing to do!"
And with that, the hamburger was crowned king of the town, even though he hadn't been born there (which was, previously, a prerequisite for becoming king).
A few days later, the Dragon returned (now famished) to the town.
The Dragon said, "Give me that sir of sirloin right now! I don't care if he is from another town."
The younger blacksmith replied, "But just the other day, you decided that you didn't want to eat him. Why the change of stomach?"
"WHO CARES?! I AM HUNGRY," roared the Dragon, "Give him to me now or I will eat your King instead!"
Just then, the village idiot came out from under a rock and said, "Wait! That is a contradiction."
And there amongst the scorched pavement and dusty breeze began a battle of wits and logic...
The Dragon paused for a moment and prepared to prepare his brain for the soon-to-happen battle. Then, the secondary preparation happened.
The Hamburger King (as he was now known, with capital letters at the beginning of each of the those three words) was already ready. In fact, he was born ready.
"Let the battle commence!" the village idiot declared.
The villagers ignored him though, because he was the village idiot.
Then some other guy said, "Now the battle shall commence!" Everyone took these words seriously.
The dragon began to flap its wings. The Hamburger King was unsure of exactly what was about to happen.
The Hamburger King felt a light breeze, and shifted his weight so that he had a lower center of gravity.
The wind became a bit stronger...and The Hamburger King tried his hardest to remain upright. At the same time, he also began to wonder whether the dragon's actions actually had anything to do with wit or logic (which were, supposedly, the basis of this battle).
FLAP... FLAP... FLAP...
"Hey!" The Hamburger King shouted.
"What?" The dragon stopped flapping.
"...What are you doing?"
The Dragon grinned. "Well King...if you must know...I'm trying to see how well you ground yourself. In fact, you might say...that I'm trying to see how well you GROUND BEEF!" The dragon then flapped with all his might and sent The Hamburger King flying.
It seemed that the battle of wits and logic had indeed begun.
The Hamburger King flew a great distance before landing on a strategically placed charcoal grill.
"That was fun!" he proclaimed, "I'm SO glad you did that Mister Dragon."
"Ha! Check your surroundings, you top-round patty!" mocked The Dragon.
Now enraged, The Hambuger King yelled, "How dare you refer to me as such an inferior beef cut! I am 85 percent pure sirloin, 22 percent perfectly marbled fat, 13 percent grade-A left-loin, and 6 percent high fructose corn syrup! 100% pure delicious sirloin!"
Confused, The Dragon began to think."Hmm... five and six, carry the one, add three and another two... Hey! That's 126% you dim wit!"
"Wrong!" countered The Hamburger King. "For whatever reason, we left the village idiot in charge of writing down all mathematical rules for our town. Because of this, the '%' sign means per centandtentensix. Therefore, '126 percent' equals '100%' So obviously YOUR math is flawed, not mine."
Now furious, The Dragon turned the propane tank on full blast with the intent of grilling that sirloin man right then and there.
"You flapping flop of nonsense! This is a charcoal grill. Propane will do you no good," mocked The Hamburger King.